*triumphant music* -once upon a time in a far away land there lived a beautiful girl who dreamed of finding her prince. -alas, real life is no fairy tale. here's why disney princes... -prince: so, this is love. - would make terrible boyfriends *swish* prince: my dad threw this party so i could meet a girl who's... girl: emotionally independant... prince: hot, and rich like us prince: so, will you marry me? crowd: awww. girl: i think i left my straightener on. *tripping sound*
barbie and the 12 dancing princess game, *cameraphone clicks* *swish* *chimes* hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
girl: what are you doing? prince: oh, thank god i thought you were dead. girl: then why would you try to kiss me? prince: uh, hold on. don't try to change the subject. who are these seven guys texting you? girl: uh, they're just my roommates. *dramatic music* *girl grunts* beast: so now that we live together we need to establish a few ground rules. girl: actually i'm a little hungry. beast: you are not allowed to step foot into that side of the house. especially my room. ever. it is forbidden. girl: okay, does that include the bathroom... beast: also, i'm going to need to know where you are and what you're doing at all times... beast: because sometimes i get lonely. do this and i'll release your father from my basement.
girl: you kidnapped my dad? beast: nailed it! girl: who are you talking to? *ocean sounds* *soft flute music* eric: uh, excuse me, miss? have you seen my girlfriend? girl: eric, it's me. eric: you look familiar. wait, i follow you on twitter right? girl: you don't remember the crazy lady you stabbed with a boat for me? eric: i think i know what the love of my life looks like. girl: even your dog knows it's me. eric: let me get my dog back. reina? where'd you go?
*piano music* naveen: oooh, sorry babe. think you can spot me? girl: again? naveen: my parents just cut me off. girl: no you need to get a job. naveen: hahaha! i got a job naveen: my music. you woke up like that. you woke up like that. flawless. girl: you know what? have fun making love to your mini guitar. naveen: it's a ukelele. naveen: can i at least borrow your car to get home. girl: take the bus! naveen: *sings* you're so fancy. you already know. girl: wait, your name is not ali? *dramatic music*
aladin: *sings* prince ali, no aladin, yeah that's me a compulsive liar, someone who plunders. girl: uh, why are you singing? aladin: *sings* i told you what you wanted to hear to get inside your cave of wonders girl: my cave of what now? aladin: the mansion we slept in is one that i crept in, the way i get laid is through deceit. girl: who are you people? aladin: the car that we road in was one that i'd stolen but who needs a ride when you live on the street? girl: you're homeless? aladin: that monkey you swear follows us everywhere is my one and only friend *monkey howls* *chinese music* girl: so yeah, i've had the absolute worst luck with dating lately. how about you? shang: this is a little awkward. i kind of thought you were a dude. girl: excuse me? shang: it's just from certain angles, and your hair is pulled back in these photos. girl: i have boobs.
shang: yeah, sorry. i guess i made a man out of you. prince: i have been looking everywhere for you. girl: you know what? i'm done with disney princes. being single never bothered me anyway. narrator: and she lived happily ever after. prince: why does this always keep happening to me? shang: hey, how you doin'?
beast: ladies love it when you kidnap their fathers. beast: i'm gonna build her a library if you know what i mean. and by that i mean i'm actually going to build a library. girl: seriously, who are you talking to? beast: i'm talking to lumiere! *mock disney music*
