warning: the followingcontains spoilers for seasons 1-3. for a spoiler-free version,click here. just come back and watch the real versionwhen you’re all caught up… wuss! from fiction’smost notorious serial killer,
who was taken off dancing with the stars, comes the tv adaptation of the medieval encyclopedia/dungeon master’s guide/porno that is… game of thrones. god, that song’s cool!
get ready for the show that has viewersof the edge of their seats, wondering what will happen next, and as people who’ve read the booksacting all smug because they already know. it’s the abusive show you keep watchingno matter how many times it hurts you. how long do i have to look? full of disturbing imagery like… incest, beheadings,
attempted child murder, more incest… and that’s just the first episode! travel to westeros, a place where everythingis the thing of nouns. the hand of the king. –â light of the seven.–â brienne of tarth. –â lord of bones.–â lord of light. –â master of coin.–â mother of dragons.
–â son of dolf.–â son of fire! –â warrior of light.–â bank of braavos. lord of winterfelland warden of the north. watch as everyone fights to sitin the world’s most uncomfortable chair, while completely ignoringan invasion of ice zombies that threatens to kill them all. seriously,someone should really get on that! meet unforgettable heroes, who were still alivewhen we wrote this honest trailer.
jon snow, a mopey bastardwho doesn’t know anything. you know nothing, jon snow. tyrion lannister,a character who’s so awesome. imp slap! peter dinklage will getevery good dwarf role until he dies, or warwick davis kills him. and daenerys targaryen, a super hot queenobsessed with her dragons.
where are my dragons? she’s out for vengeanceagainst the people who killed her family. eventually… one of these days… can we just fast-forwardto that part? watch as these heroes struggle to end the reignof king justin bieber. leave her face. i like her pretty.
god, if he doesn’t die this season, i’m gonna fucking kill him myself! fucking hate that kid! ride along on an adventure where any lead character can die. whether you’re sean bean, sean bean’s wife, sean bean’s best friend, sean bean’s son,
sean bean’s daughter-in-law, sean bean’s family dogs, or sean bean’s unborn grandkid. all men must die… who are in any wayclose to sean bean. so begin the epic journey,so long and complicated, we hope the creatordoesn’t eat himself to death before he’s finished writing it. and settle in for a showwith so many monologues,
hbo will desperatelytry to keep your attention by any boobs necessary. not that i’m complaining. boobs! starring the ten characterswhose names you actually remember. and all these other characterswhose names you actually don’t remember. like the sneaky guy. the sneaky bald guy. carl drago.
those gay dudes. lord friend zone. grumpy old dad. that’s the same person, right? sand- san- sansa? bronn? bran? bronn again? sam? no, sam’s the fat onefrom lord of the rings.
she’s the one who had a demon baby! that’s the guythat got his dick cut off. i don’t remember her name,but she’s super hot. that’s tyrion’s hooker girlfriend! hodor!that’s hodor! now, you’re just messing with me. no idea. faceless assassin!that guy’s awesome! not a clue.
dunno. i got nothin’. none of these are ringing a bell. go make up your own names, nerds! game of thrones. it’s kinda like a history test,but with dragons and boobs! if you put any spoilersin the comments, i’ll kill you. but to all my book bros:r + l = j.
you know what i’m talking about. a lannister always subscribes.
so click that button now. hey, screen junkies!wanna see me act stupid? then click the box aboveto see the epic drive-thru voice prank. the more times you share it,the more money we raise for charity.
